You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
