Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
