Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
