just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
