and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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