How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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