just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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