my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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