Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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