I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
