five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize