oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
