I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
organizing the empties. That sober.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
