Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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