ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
