you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
