Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
