Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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