she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
