He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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