It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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