just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My feet surprised me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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