Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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