Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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