Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
