There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
