I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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