I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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