Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
