in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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