somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize