I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
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my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
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I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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