I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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