It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
