just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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