This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
