on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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