my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Two words: blizzard sex
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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