Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
