Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
