Best friends brother. Beat that.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
