sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
