a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
