My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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