eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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