Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
