I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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