Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
two words: eviction party
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
