I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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