every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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