why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize