That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
