I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
