:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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