Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
