Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
