last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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