The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
