dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
