i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i believe in u and ur pee
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