I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
