Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
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Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
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Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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