If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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