Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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