there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
