Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
