Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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