Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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