I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
