this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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