i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
