is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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