I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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