I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
