elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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