If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
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